52:5 Gwen is 4 months old

Gwen, I can't believe you're already 4 months old! Time has gone by so fast, yet I still remember the moments that seemed to go on forever. I look at you sometimes and remind myself that someday I'll miss these times so bad. Time stands still during those moments and I try to keep it that way. I love spending time with you more than anything!

At 4 months, you weigh about 17 lbs, and are in 3-6 month clothes, although you are growing out of them soon!

You still enjoy bath time!

You are getting way more responsive and smiling at mommy and daddy easily.

You are down to one tough crying spell a day, usually because you're overtired.

You now go to bed around 7:30pm and wake up around 7:00 am when mommy or daddy comes and gets you (and you give us big, gummy smiles) and I feed you and cuddle with you in our bed. Usually you fall back asleep for a few more hours. We are so lucky!

You love your toy monkey, and the bee on your carseat that mommy makes say 'I love you'. Your new favorite is Sophie the giraffe. They're your friends and you always smile at them. You also always smile when you see little Mattie.

You are 'talking' more and making raspberries!

You're starting to tolerate tummy time more, and reaching for things and learning how to bring them to your mouth.

Your morning naps are getting a little longer.

You are soo loved! We are so blessed to have you!

52:4 2nd Time in Church

We took Gwen to church for the second time in her life today. She first went when she was about 5 weeks old and she slept the whole time. Since I'm obsessed with her getting enough sleep, I was worried about her schedule getting messed up and her being awake and then screaming as we rushed out...
She slept on the way and woke up as we walked in. Uh oh, this won't be good, I thought. Jeff and I discussed the game plan: we could leave early and get breakfast, or wait through mass and then go straight home so she could sleep. She already was low on sleep for the day since she didn't take her long morning map. We took her out of her carseat and she looked around. After about 45 minutes, she fell into a deep sleep in my arms during the song Here I Am Lord. She was so precious. I prayed as I held her and thought how blessed we really are.

I think a lot about how there is so much sadness in the world, and things happening to the people around us. I prayed for all of them today. I know there must be heaven because I have an angel here in my arms right now, and I pray God keeps her safe and protects her from sadness, like He has for me.

52:3- Healthy Sleep habits, Happy...Mommy!

Gwen has been a good night sleeper since the beginning; at 6 weeks, she was sleeping 6 to 9 hours straight at night. She's now sleeping a solid 10 hours every night. Of course at 13 weeks, she had several nights where she woke at 3am, but I nursed her and she fell right back asleep. I decided it was a growth spurt.

The ultimate sleep book that I've been using as my bible is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Recommended to me by a friend, it's been such a great reference. It's broken down into chapters for different age ranges; when Gwen was a few weeks old, it warned me about the 6 week mark, when babies cry more, but then relief comes as they gradually become less fussy. Then at 13 weeks, when she was waking up in the middle of the night, it said the solution was to put her to bed earlier, as many babies are overtired, and need to be put to sleep earlier to help catch up on their sleep. An overtired body is biologically built to stay awake; thats why tired children sometimes seem wired; they cant settle down. Sleep begets sleep. The book also says to wait 4 days with any change in sleep schedule to see if it works.

Well we tried it and It worked. We started putting her down at 7:30 instead of 8:30, and after four nights, she was sleeping longer at night. We also saw an improvement in her napping; her afternoon nap has been getting longer. She usually takes three 45 minute naps per day. Her afternoon nap was 1.5 hours yesterday. It was amazing to see it work!

It is still a battle getting her to fall asleep. No matter how much shooshing and patting and rocking we do, she continues to cry herself to sleep during the daytime! She's done this ever since she was a tiny babe, it's like she has to get over the 'hump' before she can fall asleep. I'm waiting for the day when she will peacefully fall asleep...when does that start happening? 6 months? A year?

...maybe I should reference my sleep book...

Project 52:2- A Quest For Mommys

So I decided I need to branch out and connect with some moms of babies that are Gwen's age. I have my friends here that have babies, by they're all a bit older than her, and I want her to have some playmates her age one day. Plus, it's so easy to talk about babies at this point, and sharing the challenges and joys with someone going through the same thing I think would be a great thing.

So I called a co-worker I used to work with, who I hadn't spoken to in a year or so, because her son was born a month before Gwen. We had a great talk, and I convinced her to join Stroller Strides, starting in Feb (another mom connecting thing). I think Ashley will be a great friend and I feel so great knowing our kids may be friends one day.

I met up with another co-worker of mine who had her son a few days before Gwen-she's super sweet and her son is super cute! We went to Starbux, and it was a little stimulating for Gwen, but we managed to have a great conversation before she started fussing.

I'm enjoying being a mom so much, and feel like its been an eye-opening experience in terms of sharing this experience with so many other women. I have another friend having a baby next month, and I can't wait to meet him!

Now if I could just get her some girl playmates! Stroller Strides, here we come!

52:1 Gwendolyn Mary's Birth Story

A little late, I know, but here it is:

Waiting
At almost 42 weeks pregnant, I was ready to explode. We couldn’t wait to meet our little girl, and I had been preparing for her arriving since 38 weeks. I was ready. So ready. My parents were in from RI, the nursery was complete, and everything was set. The only things we didn’t have were wipes and a wipe warmer. My feet and legs were swollen, and I was having false labor everyday on my way home from work, and everyday I would think this was it.
People kept seeing me at work and surprisingly would ask, “when are you going to have that baby!?” It was exhausting and emotionally and physically and I was ready to be done being pregnant. Every night I’d hope it was the night; I was convinced that I would go into labor in the middle of the night, but nothing was happening, so every morning I’d wake up disappointed.
At our 39 week appointment (my midwives had a due date of Oct 4th, I had an estimated date of Sept 29th, and I was SURE she’d be born in September), the midwife said we would probably start doing tests (non-stress test, etc) at the next appointment. Sadly, we went home and waited and waited.
Another week went by, and at our 40 week appointment on a Thursday, (41 weeks according to me), I talked to the midwife about a possible induction. We scheduled it for the following Tuesday at 5:00. I also asked her if it would be possible for her to do a membrane sweep (which I believe ultimately started labor). She said that a sweep was part of the exam that day. I laid down and waited…the exam and sweep were not comfortable! But I loved hearing that I was 1cm dilated, and 70% effaced. She said if the sweep was successful, I could go into labor within the next 24-48 hours.

Here she comes!
Friday I went to work (I had taken a half day on Wednesday and a full day on Thursday due to exhaustion), and I believe I lost my mucous plug. I got excited. I came home feeling nothing unusual, still having false contractions and taking a nap after work. Jeff got home and we went to sleep around 9:00.
I got up to use the bathroom at 11:14 pm. After I was done, I felt more come out that I wasn’t expected. I waited…shocked. The even more came out. Feeling nervous and excited, I went into the bedroom and said, “Jeff…? I think my water is breaking.” His response, “Hmm?...pause…”WHAAT?” as he jumped up in bed, the covers flying. I laid down to try to rest some, and then a huge gush came. We both ran into the bathroom, and tried to remember what to do next. Jeff went and got my mom up and then we called our midwife. A mild contraction hit that felt like a strong menstrual cramp. The midwife said to come in when I “couldn’t stand it anymore” or at 8:00 am (since my water broke first, they needed me to come in by that time).

Laboring
We were planning a natural childbirth, taken the Bradley method classes, and going to the midwives and preparing ourselves as much as we could, so we labored at home for as long as possible. We rested in bed for a few hours, and then decided we couldn’t sleep so we got our bags packed. Jeff and I watched some TV and then I took a shower (the shower felt great). The contractions got stronger gradually, and by 4:30, I was having to breathe through them. The only things that were helping were to have a trash can in front of me, because I felt nauseous during every contraction, and to have someone rub my lower back with a vibrating massager we had bought. The contractions would start in my lower abdomen as a menstrual cramp, and then grow up and around to my lower back. The pain was achy and intense. By 5:00, I wanted to go to the hospital, and I was doubting I would be able to do this naturally. I would cry every once in a while because I was scared of the pain that was coming; that anticipation was the worst. If these contractions were bad like this now, how would they feel when I was 8 or 9 cm dilated?
We left for the hospital. Jeff driving, with me and my mom in the back seat, and my dad following us in the mini-van. It was hard in the car, but the drive went fast somehow. I had about 4 contractions on our way there, and my mom would rub my back as I got on my hands and knees with my face in the trash can. When we got to the hospital, Jeff’s parents were already there. We went up and checked in, and they explained to me (during 2 contractions) that I would need to come back into triage alone. I panicked and started crying and screaming during a contraction, “what if I have another contraction??!!” The nurse opened the door, looked at me, and turned around to ask someone something. When she came back, she said my mom could come with me. Thank goodness! During triage, I had 3 contractions, and having my mom there was the best thing for me. I was in a routine, and if she wasn’t there, things would have been bad.
I arrived around 7:00 am, when the midwives were switching shifts. Lauren was there at first, helping through contractions, and then we found out that Jan would be taking over at 7:00 (the only midwife who was part-time, and the ONLY one who I didn’t like very much since she had talked to me about my weight gain during pregnancy, and who also seemed condescending to me). She came in and I was weary. Jan turned out the be the best midwife for me. She was a strength in the room and a presence that was so calming. Every question or doubt I had, she validated and she did it well. I wouldn’t have wanted any other midwife there during my labor.
She checked me and I was 4 cm and 100% effaced. We were all so excited I had made it that far, and thought labor would be fast. Jan explained that the baby was turned slightly, and was not in a great position.
They started to put my hep-lock in, and I kept having to get on my hands and knees during every contraction. The girl tried 3 times on one side! Jan was so mad she had to leave. It was taking forever, and since I was talking about an epidural, I needed to get one in. Although it hurt a lot when she was poking me, it didn’t compare to the contractions I was having every 3 minutes. My nurse, Jennifer, then tried on my other hand and placed it in perfectly. I loved her from then on.
Then the decision to get the epidural was on my mind. The contractions I was having scared me so much, and I felt like I was barely getting through them. I cried because I had really wanted a natural childbirth and done everything to prepare myself, and felt like if I got an epidural, it would all be for nothing. Jan and my mom said no, that was not true, the preparation was helping me up until this point, no, it would not stall labor, and it would not increase the chance of a c-section. No one would judge me for this. So I asked for the anesthesiologist to hurry. Jan hurried out of the room to get him.
At about 9:30 (after about 10 hours of natural labor) the anesthesiologist came. He was a very weird man who said things like “Simon didn’t say to move that wire. Did Simon say that?” and “well, I can give you this medicine, or you can be in pain. Which would you like?” I didn’t like him very much from the start, but I didn't care. I was scared for the epidural, and it took him longer than expected to get set-up. Jeff sat and watched, and Jan held me close to her. I was not to move while he placed the wire. I managed to get the epidural and not have a contraction the entire time. I laid down and felt a heaviness in my stomach, and thought something was wrong. It was a contraction. Jan checked me again, and I was 5 cm and 100% effaced. I had made it halfway on my own naturally. I felt like I had done the best I could, although I still felt disappointed in myself. Jan, my mom, Jean and Jeff all kept telling me how great I had done, and they were all so happy I had gotten the epidural. We didn’t have replacement batteries for the vibrating massager anyway, so crisis averted.

Resting, waiting, and chatting
After I had the epidural, things got so much easier. My mom, Jeff and my mother-in-law were in the room, and my dad and Jeff’s dad would come visit every once in a while (there were only 3 other people allowed in the room). I got up to 7 cm around 2:00 pm.
At 3:00, they started antibiotics to help keep infection away since my water had broken first. They kept having me change positions from one side to another side, to sitting up, and laying down with one leg up. Jan came in and explained that I wasn’t progressing, and they would have to start oxytocin. I immediately regretted getting the epidural, blaming myself for it, saying it was the reason labor was stalling. Jan said no. The baby was in a bad position, and that was why things were not progressing. I was still at 7cm, and so we started the pitocin.
A little while later, they discovered I had developed an infection called Corio. Around 5:00, Jan decided to start measuring the strength of my contractions, by inserting an internal monitor. After 3 tries, she got it in place. They slowly increased the pitocin, but still nothing was happening. I could feel the pressure in that area, and thought I was getting close. Jan checked, but still no progress. She talked to the OB on call, and they decided we should go for the c-section, since I hadn’t progressed and since I had developed the infection.
I had started to get a little loopy around the time the infection started. I remember feeling exhausted and saying “ok” to the c-section, although it was something I feared immensely. The fever was contributing to my loopiness, and the anesthesiologist gave me some medicine before the surgery, that made me feel even more drowsy and relaxed.
I was wheeled in to the OR, and Jeff got dressed outside. It seemed to take forever for them to get me prepped, and I hated being transferred from one bed to the next. Finally, Jeff was beside me. I felt calmer than expected, and thought it was because of the fever (but really the anesthesiologist had given me anti-anxiety meds). I asked Jeff to talk to me through the procedure, and he was so sweet, talking about the things we would do with her when she came; having Christmas, going to the beach, etc. I felt some tugging and pressure, but it was not painful at all. Looking back, the c-section was not at all as bad as I thought it would be. They told Jeff to look when they pulled her out, and he peeked over the curtain in front of my face. When they pulled out my little girl, everyone kept saying “that’s a big baby!” It was the first I heard that I might have a large baby. She came out with black hair, they cleaned her, weighed her, (9 lbs, 11 oz!) and showed her to me again. It was a feeling I’ll never forget- such amazement and love. She was the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen.
It’s been a few weeks now, and I’ve gone through the stages; the wonderful feelings the first few days after birth are like walking on a cloud. When I got home I started to feel overwhelmed and sad. It was all hormones. Now that it’s passed, I feel good and so happy she’s here. She’s still the most beautiful baby, and can’t wait to share her life experiences. It’s an amazing feeling to know we made such a miracle, and our lives have been changed forever.

Love...

Gwen has had a bad cold for the past week and a half (when will that 14th day come?). It's so sad to see her all congested. Her sneezes, although messy, are like little triumphs: yay, you got it out, baby!

She was crying inconsolably 2 days ago. We could not settle her in anyway, and finally I had to nurse her to sleep. She ended up having a low fever of 99.3. Not very high. Teething? Possible ear infection? We gave her a little baby Tylenol, and it went down. Yesterday I worked, and Jean took care of her. She said Gwen was fabulous- she had a cryless day. Maybe she just doesn't like mommy?

I just put her down for a nap a few minutes ago, expecting the same inconsolable crying. I wrapped her in her mighty 'pink blanket' (the Miracle Blanket- best swaddle blanket ever) and rocked and patted her. She whined for a few seconds before she settled down and just stared. Stared at me. Her eyes got heavier and heavier, so I walked into her bedroom. I got close to her crib and she continued to look at me, with her heavy eyes, and...smiled a little smile at me before they gently closed. One of the best moments ever.

Now sleeping soundly in her crib. Wonder what she dreams about.

Happy new year 2012!

We made it back to San Antonio from RI for Christmas. We got back on New Years Eve and had Chinese food while we unpacked our bags slowly. Both Gwen and I got colds on the airplane, and she was so tired, she cried until 7pm when she fell asleep while nursing and slept 12 hours!

So a new year begins, and I've decided to start my own Project 52, documenting Gwen's 2012; all the memories in one spot. For example, I'm breastfeeding her (mostly exclusively, minus the oz she gets at bedtime) in the Home Depot parking lot while Jeff is buying a lightbulb and pricing kitchen faucets. Her tiny pink sneaker keeps falling off her foot and I keep putting back on. 'she doesn't walk, you know,' was Jeff's comment when I HAD to buy them for her. Love it. SHE NEEDS SHOES!

Anyway, so that's one of my new years resolutions, to blog for Gwen. I also plan on eating better (more fruits and veggies), exercising 3x per week, being present in every moment, and paying more attention to my little Mattie (our crazy dog).

So there it is! The beginning of a new year! Our first year as a family of three.

Here are some great pictures from Christmas.