Love...

Gwen has had a bad cold for the past week and a half (when will that 14th day come?). It's so sad to see her all congested. Her sneezes, although messy, are like little triumphs: yay, you got it out, baby!

She was crying inconsolably 2 days ago. We could not settle her in anyway, and finally I had to nurse her to sleep. She ended up having a low fever of 99.3. Not very high. Teething? Possible ear infection? We gave her a little baby Tylenol, and it went down. Yesterday I worked, and Jean took care of her. She said Gwen was fabulous- she had a cryless day. Maybe she just doesn't like mommy?

I just put her down for a nap a few minutes ago, expecting the same inconsolable crying. I wrapped her in her mighty 'pink blanket' (the Miracle Blanket- best swaddle blanket ever) and rocked and patted her. She whined for a few seconds before she settled down and just stared. Stared at me. Her eyes got heavier and heavier, so I walked into her bedroom. I got close to her crib and she continued to look at me, with her heavy eyes, and...smiled a little smile at me before they gently closed. One of the best moments ever.

Now sleeping soundly in her crib. Wonder what she dreams about.

Happy new year 2012!

We made it back to San Antonio from RI for Christmas. We got back on New Years Eve and had Chinese food while we unpacked our bags slowly. Both Gwen and I got colds on the airplane, and she was so tired, she cried until 7pm when she fell asleep while nursing and slept 12 hours!

So a new year begins, and I've decided to start my own Project 52, documenting Gwen's 2012; all the memories in one spot. For example, I'm breastfeeding her (mostly exclusively, minus the oz she gets at bedtime) in the Home Depot parking lot while Jeff is buying a lightbulb and pricing kitchen faucets. Her tiny pink sneaker keeps falling off her foot and I keep putting back on. 'she doesn't walk, you know,' was Jeff's comment when I HAD to buy them for her. Love it. SHE NEEDS SHOES!

Anyway, so that's one of my new years resolutions, to blog for Gwen. I also plan on eating better (more fruits and veggies), exercising 3x per week, being present in every moment, and paying more attention to my little Mattie (our crazy dog).

So there it is! The beginning of a new year! Our first year as a family of three.

Here are some great pictures from Christmas.

Gwens 1st Christmas

Gwen is 11 weeks old now and we're in RI for Christmas. She's about 14 lbs and is crying less overall, except for the evening, when she still cries for no apparent reason, but it's down to about 45 minutes total and it's not nonstop. I'm wondering if she's teething early (she's almost 3 months and they're not supposed to teeth until 4-5 months).

She did so well on the flight over here. I fed her on both ascents and descent, and she slept most of the time. Somehow, we got very lucky, and ended up with all 3 seats for both flights, so we were able to spread out. I think someone was helping us out (thanks, papa and grandpa!). I've been seeing a lot of triple digits whenever I look at the time and, because of my mom, it always makes me think of my grandpas. It's like a little wink from above.

Christmas was so fun with everyone here! Sam and Abi were so excited about every gift. They loved everything. They are so fun to give gifts to, and they gave gifts this year, too! We slept at Grandma's house and came over in the morning.

Now we're in MA in a hotel visiting Grandma Cimini. We visited with Tam and Meredith this morning. It's been an awesome visit and wish Gwen was a little older so she could remember this. It's going to get harder and harder to get us all in one place as our families get bigger...I won't think about that now because it'll just upset me during this great holiday trip (I'll think about it tomorrow).

Sleeps with a fist

Gwen laughed for the first time today. We were in a shop with Mehren and Hailey, and she giggled several times before Mehren and I realized we had video capabilities on our phones. We managed to get a few giggles recorded, but they were much less enthusiastic than the ones a few seconds before.

One of my favorite things is the video monitor we have that lets us look at her while she sleeps (or while she cries). I love when she gets her hands out of her swaddle, and stretches them as high as they can go, barely reaching past the top of her head. (When does it happen that your arms get so long?) and then passes out with her tiny hands in little balls. They remind me of puppy paws- some of the cutest things on earth. :)

Gwen's first plane ride!

Jeff graduated from Texas Tech University with his MBA on Friday and it was time for our first plane ride with Gwen. Our flight was at 11:20 on Friday morning, flying out of Austin, TX. We woke up at 5:45am, and packed nervously and excitedly. It was that exciting, anxious feeling you get when you do something for the first time. We knew things would be ok no matter what, but our anxiety came from the unknown- would she cry on the plane? Would we forget something important at home? How would she do in a new place?

Jeff dropped Mattie (our cutie dog) off at the pet hotel and I packed things up. We got to the airport, and I nursed her in a corner on the floor, where no one could see me (there were no seats around anyway) while Jeff parked the car and checked our bags. Most people all around were so nice- a man came over to offer me a seat while I fed her, and another older man saw us later and told us, "get ready to experience great joy". He told Jeff, "it's a baby girl?....hold on, dad. She's going to make you crazy, and introduce you to worlds you never even knew existed." I was touched. He even came back later and told me, with a stern face, "now if she cries, don't you worry about a thing. Everyone understands." He reminded me of my papa...very caring and sweet.

We got through security just fine, although getting everything unpacked and on the beltway through the machine was a challenge. We got to the gate, and Jeff went to get tags for the carrier and stroller while I went and sat down. After quite a while, Jeff came back exasperated. Apparently, we were supposed to bring her birth certificate, and the lady at the desk couldn't believe they let us through security. No one told us! It doesn't say to bring it online! It turned out to be fine, and they just added her to the flight under my name.

She fed on the plane, the entire 1 hour flight. Easy. No problems, and people commented as they walked by "what a good baby!" We got to Lubbock, and I sat and waited while he got the rental car..."I can't believe we didn't forget anything," I was thinking, until I realized... we forgot the car seat base! How are we going to get her to the hotel? We'll never get her home! OH NO! We are stuck in the airport forever! Then I remembered. With my nephew, there was a way you could hook the car seat in the car without the base. Jeff came back and I told him, and he panicked until I explained. It turned out the car seat had directions on the side on how to install it without a base. Whew...crisis averted. It's all trial and error with this baby!

One thing we noticed while in the airport is that people stare at babies. I do it too. Your eyes just go to babies. Especially in church and at an airport. While I was sitting and waiting for Jeff to get the car, I noticed about 75% of people that walked by, looked at me and the baby. It's something I'm going to have to get used to. I responded to their looks with smiles...some didn't even look at me, but just glanced at the baby. It was almost like they were checking the cuteness..."ok, she's cute, I can continue on now". Jeff said she noticed it too, that people all want to look in the car seat when he's carrying it. He said one time a lady looked in when it was empty and almost made a disappointed face as she walked away. Everyone loves babies.

We went to graduation, and Gwen was amazing. Jean and Pete and I left after Jeff walked across the stage, and I fed her in the hotel room. Jeff came back, and we tried to put her down...4 times! She would fall asleep in our arms, and we would put her down, (in a deep sleep!) then she would wake up 5 minutes later crying hard. It was so frustrating, Jeff and I were yelling at each other in whispers. She did this a few days earlier, too. We don't know why. We tried to let her cry for a few minutes, but she would just escalate. Finally, at 12:30, we put her down asleep, and she woke up, but then put herself back to sleep. I think she was upset being in a different place maybe. It was not fun.

Next weekend, we go to RI for Christmas. Its a much longer flight (5 hours in the air) and a longer trip (1 week in RI). I'm pretty worried that she will have the same trouble falling asleep in their house, and I'm worried it'll mess with her sleeping routines, but it'll be ok. My parents will be there, and that helps calm my nerves.

Merry 1st Christmas, my sweet Gwen!

Shots today!

Gwen had her 2 month shots today and did very well. We laid her down on the table, and she proceeded to poo all over the place; the biggest, watery-est, blow out poo shes ever had. All over the table. I was laughing hysterically, and Jeff was holding back. The pa didn't have much humor about it... I guess she's seen it all.

After we cleaned up the mess, we weighed her and measured her. She is 14 lbs, 14 oz, and in the 97th percentile, which we expected. The doctor we had was abrupt and serious, but nice enough. I had lots of questions, and asked about how her crying doesn't seem to be decreasing much, and he brought up her outie belly button. He said if she's crying hard and it's sticking out, try pushing it in. In my head I'm laughing-so basically her outie is an on/off switch for crying? I don't think so! He meant that sometimes she might have a temporary hernia, but then tried to calm me since it scared me. He didn't have great answers to my questions, but it was fine. I've been reading so much lately, I pretty much already know the answers.

Back to work tomorrow for my second day. I won't be coming home to feed her at all, do it'll be a long day, but Tuesday went by quickly, so I'm hoping tomorrow goes quick also.

What if? (uncertainty)

So today was my first day back at work and things went ok. She's been a bit fussy, but she survived her first day 'without me'.

So last night, she kept waking up every time we put her down. I was frustrated, and Jeff was up working, so he told me to go to sleep. He ended up staying up with her until 1 am and put her in her swing all night swinging.

This morning we woke up, and he told me she slept in her swing. I tried to hide my frustration, because I knew he did the best he could, but then he told me he was taking the day off because he was exhausted. I was upset. I needed Jeff to help me get out the door this morning! It wasn't what I expected, and I was nervous she slept in her swing. Not what I wanted because I'm constantly afraid she's going to get into a bad habit...what if she ALWAYS has to sleep in her swing? What if she always needs to be rocked to sleep? What if she never falls asleep on her own? I worry about these things all the time and it stresses me out when she has trouble because I start thinking the worst.

I talked to my mom, and some women at work, and basically I've been told you can always retrain her and fix any mistakes. A good quote is from Raising Helen, when the teenage girl yells at her pregnant aunt, "you ruined my life!" and her aunt responds, "well, we'll fix it later!" I have to remember Gwen is too young to be forming bad habits, and if she does, it won't be forever. Everything is right now. The good along with the bad.

Anyway, my first day back at work was very busy, and getting used to pumping was difficult, but the day went well and fast. Jeff and his mom stayed home with Gwen and fed her one bottle and she did ok until her afternoon bottle, when she didn't want to take it. I had a long break, so I came home and nursed her. She was happy, and I managed to make it home early to feed her again. The only problem is I told them to "hold her off" until I got home, and Jeff took it too literal. Jean said she cried for 40 minutes. That's way too long. I told Jean to trust her judgment next time.